


T.M.I

by randomramblesff



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Awkwardness, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Post-Canon, i asked on tumblr if this is something people would wanna read and ... the people have spoken, post-season 6
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-01 07:23:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18331340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomramblesff/pseuds/randomramblesff
Summary: A series of moments full of too much information.





	1. The one where Annie gets her period.

**Author's Note:**

> The people of Tumblr has spoken; apparently, we all love Jeff and Annie so much that I must write (and you must read) them in awkward scenarios.

As soon as she sits down on the toilet seat, her memory scans through her bag like an airport security x-ray, the obvious  _lack_ of sanitary products standing out glaringly. She has nothing on her and she knows for a fact that there isn’t anything she can use in the bathroom over than Jeff’s 3-ply toilet paper, which she isn’t about to risk when she’s wearing a navy and white striped skirt.

She’s certain because one of the first things she did when Jeff started letting her roam more freely around his apartment, was scour his bathroom cabinets and storage boxes to see what she could find. He might call it an invasion of privacy if he were to ever find out but she just calls it being prepared, seeing as she now knows he has an emergency overflow stock of the same kind of toothpaste, three full bottles of shampoo and what she presumes is his  _secret_ stash of at-home hair dye kits in a very specific, Jeff-like shade of brown.

Okay, so, it’s not like she hasn’t done this before. When she got her first period at age thirteen, her mom was out the house and she’d been in the downstairs bathroom, so, she’d had to call out to her dad and ask for him to bring her down the ‘special box’ her mom had given her; the box that was tied with a velvet ribbon and had been untouched and hidden underneath the bathroom sink upstairs. _Not_ that she’s comparing Jeff to her dad; she’s just comparing the circumstances.

She sighs heavily whilst tapping her foot before calling out.

“Jeff….?”

She waits a beat, sitting still so she can listen out for him.

“Jeff…?”

It takes a moment but he finally responds. His voice is clear like he’s somewhere outside in his bedroom.

“Yeah?”

“Um… I… I have a little bit of a situation.”

She can imagine him tilting his head.

“A situation?”

“I kind of… I got my period and I don’t have anything on me?” She shrugs a shoulder up, even though he can’t see her.

“Oh.” She can hear soft footsteps as he nears the door, “Um. I could run to the store? If that’s what you want me to do?”

“Um… I guess, yes, that would be helpful. If? You? Wouldn’t feel too awkward? I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable!” She grimaces but she swears she can hear him laugh under his breath.

“It’s fine… just tell me what you need.”

“Um… some… pads, would be good? With wings? Oh my god, I’m sorry. This is  _not_ what you want to be doing, it’s just, with being away from home and summer being so chaotic, I’ve been  _off_ and I didn’t know when it was going to come back so, I’m sorry, now I’m rambling and I’m sorry.” She cuts herself off with a gasp before she can say anything more.

“I’ll try my best. Give me ten minutes, okay?”

Annie nods then shakes her head at herself because of course, she needs to use those words she was having so much fun using fifteen seconds ago.

“Okay.”

She knows from her watch that he’s almost ten minutes on the dot - give or take thirty-seconds - when he returns home, knocking on the door quietly. She had to get up to move around whilst he was gone, so, the door is left slightly ajar for him.

“Do you want me to just slide them across the floor or should I come in?”

She laughs then because yeah, okay, now she’s had a minute to breathe, maybe she overreacted and got embarrassed for no reason. She’s seen him put an axe into a table under the influence of monkey gas, strip down in front of fifty-odd students just to prove a point about shorts and she’s worried about this? She’s disappointed in herself on Britta’s behalf, who would undoubtedly be ranting to her about the taboo created around a natural process.

“You can come in.”

They both grin at each other sheepishly when he steps in and passes the packet over to her. He didn’t get the brand she usually opts for but she doesn’t mention it.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll just, uh… leave you to it.” He turns, going to step out as quickly as he stepped in.

“I can pay you back.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He smiles again, holding a hand on the edge of the door.

“I owe you.”

“Yeah, you can do the fun job of buying large condoms the next time I, well I mean,  _we_ run out. Emphasis on  _large._ ”

“Mhm. I’ll get flavoured ones just to make it extra awkward.”

“That seems fair.”


	2. The one where Annie doesn't want to have sex.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Also, the one where Annie gets her period, again.)

Annie’s simmering sauce in a pan when Jeff calls to suggest she should come over. She rolls her eyes because she's already making herself and Britta's dinner for the evening but it really doesn't take much persuading on his part, especially when she's started to realise she's struggling to fall asleep on her own now (she's slept alone for her whole life but two months with Jeff leaves her unable to? She needs to have words). The past few nights of tossing and turning are what make it so easy for her to sigh across the phone and say she'll try to make it before 10.  
  
When she's tucked into his side though and he's starting to pepper kisses down her neck, she realises her mistake. She doesn't blame him - it's been a while, in between her starting her new job and Jeff stressing over what he should do with his own - but then again, it's not like they always have sex when they see each other so, maybe he should have asked first before assuming.  
  
"Hey, Jeff..."  
  
He hums in acknowledgement against the underside of her ear.  
  
"Jeff..." She shuffles slightly but his hand that's wrapped around her waist ends up sliding further down.  
  
She has to turn in his arms and duck her head a little.  
  
"I'm on my period."  
  
He definitely listens to her this time but he doesn't peel away from her.  
  
"Oh." He tilts his head, leaning forward to murmur, "That's ok, I don't mind."  
  
Really, if she hadn't had a dull ache throughout what felt like her whole body, and if she hadn't been running on a lack of sleep, she would have found his response rather enticing.  
  
She smiles tightly.  
  
"No... I just... I don't really feel like it, when I have my period."  
  
"Oh. Okay, I'm sorry."  
  
He pulls away a bit then but he still says close, his hands loosening and his position softening into something closer to a hug.  
  
"You know, if it is because you're worried what I'll think, then you don't need to worry. I'm fine with it."  
  
She looks up at him through her lashes and the way he's looking at her makes her reach for his hand to kiss it.  
  
"No, it's not that. My whole body is just... tired."  
  
He pouts down at her before resting his chin against her forehead.  
  
"Is there anything I can get you? A hot water bottle? Chocolate? Tampons?"  
  
She smiles into the space under his arm, feeling him press a kiss to her hair. She curls further into him, recalling the time he really did deliver on the latter offer.  
  
"You know, I am cool with it. I grew up with my mom making me run to the store for her, so, don't worry about it. I mean, we already skipped that hurdle like three weeks in."  
  
"You did? I thought I embarrassed you that time I made you go."  
  
"What? No. Seriously, I'm not bothered and if there's anything I can get or do, whenever..."  
  
Annie hums out a tired squeak as she snuggles up to him.  
  
"A back rub would be nice."  
  
"A back rub?"  
  
She nods against him before he kisses her temple and shuffles under the sheets.  
  
"Come here." He leaves space for her to turn over, his hands drifting towards the back of her pyjama top so he can pull it upwards out of the way.  
  
"Here?" He presses his fingertips into the small of her back and she hums in satisfaction.  
  
It isn't long until Annie's eyes are shut and Jeff has to settle back down as quietly and carefully as he can, repositioning the sheets around them both.  
  
It wasn't how he'd imagined the evening going - that vision had included far fewer clothes and a lot more movement - but he still feels pretty smug in what he'd been able to achieve, especially when Annie wakes up and says it's the best night's sleep she's had all week.  
  
"Oh yeah?"  
  
"Mhm. Can you give me another back rub sometime?"  
  
"Sure thing."


	3. The one where Jeff doesn't want to have sex.

When Annie climbs into his lap after her shower, he tries; he really tries. She's wearing just a towel and her hair is curled over her bare shoulders and really, it should be doing everything for him, especially when she rolls her hips over his sweatpant covered thighs and bites her lip before pressing them to his neck.   
  
He puts his hands on her waist and closes his eyes, trying - really trying - to appreciate the fact that she's taking the lead. It does happen but usually, she takes the approach of teasing him throughout the day and building up tension. It's rare that it's like this and he really really does appreciate it; truly.   
  
"Do you like that?" She purrs into his ear as she braces her hands on the headboard behind him, grinding on him deeper.   
  
He nods and grits his teeth.   
  
"I've been thinking about you all day. I missed you."   
  
"Oh yeah?" He smiles and leans into her kiss then, not noticing how tight his grasp is on her until her towel falls and covers his hands.   
  
She laughs and then rises up, pulling him into her chest.    
  
Okay, so, it's not like he's not enjoying this, this is one of his favourite places to be. It's just that, today's been a really long day and he only just managed to make it to the gym while Annie went on a day out with her friends. In all honesty, he was just waiting for her to come home so he could fall asleep next to her again.    
  
He's kissing her, despite that, sucking on her skin and rolling his head back when she wants to return the favour.   
  
He knows when she notices it - well, the lack of it, really - because she settles back down slowly and tilts her head at him, her whole body rising and falling as she steadies her breath.   
  
"Is everything okay?"   
  
He blinks in a daze.   
  
"Hmm?"   
  
"You..." She glances away and whether or not she means to, pointedly shifts in his lap, "...don't seem to be enjoying this."   
  
"What?" He frowns, frowning very unconvincingly.   
  
She raises her eyebrows, not buying it.   
  
He sighs heavily and pinches the bridge of his nose.   
  
"I'm sorry... it's not you, I just. I didn't have a great day today and... my meds... I'm not gonna' be able to..." He throws a hand up, vaguely gesturing.   
  
She slumps and pouts and rests a hand on his shoulder.   
  
"Aw baby, why didn't you just tell me?"   
  
"Because who wants to tell they're girlfriend that they're not gonna' be able to have an erection tonight."   
  
She cringes, he sighs and she kisses his forehead.   
  
"Can I... try?" She squeezes up her shoulders and the frustration of what's happening finally hits him with the view he's given of her cleavage.   
  
"It's not gonna' happen."   
  
She sighs with him but then smiles and rolls off to nuzzle into his side.   
  
"It's okay. If you wanna' talk about it, you know you always can, okay?"   
  
"I know." He kisses her hair and lets his hand fall to her thigh, stroking his thumb over her skin. They're quiet for a moment until Jeff looks down at Annie and remembers why she's undressed and flushed.   
  
"You know, just because I'm not in the mood, doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to... you know, get off."   
  
Annie rolls her eyes and shakes her head.   
  
"I'm fine."   
  
"Hmm..." He squints at her before flicking his chin up, "...where's your vibrator?"   
  
"Jeff."   
  
"Where is it?"   
  
"I don't... I don't know."   
  
"Yeah, you do. Where is it?"   
  
She curls into his arm and hides her face, her response muffled by a pillow.   
  
"In the drawer."   
  
"There we go."    
  
He leans over to his right and opens the nightstand up, pushing around notebooks, pens and a few condoms which he didn't even realise were there before reaching to the very back to pull out the purple toy.   
  
"Do you want me to do it?"   
  
She shrugs and blushes and scrambles for his hand but he's turned it on before she gets the chance to grab hold of it. When he gets it in place, she lets out a breathy moan and he smirks.   
  
"Oh jeez, you're wet."   
  
"Uh huh." She's not listening but she responds anyway, moaning harder when he presses it inside of her.   
  
Seeing her move and bite back gasps definitely makes him feel something but he decides to embrace the fact she's the only one blowing off steam because now he can watch her and notice all of the things he misses when they're doing it together.   
  
She brings a hand to her hair when she finishes, her legs clenching around Jeff's arm.   
  
"Good?"   
  
"Uhuh." She swallows and catches her breath, "Thank you."   
  
"You're welcome." He reaches for her towel to clean himself off before smiling, making her notice how sleepy he looks. She reaches up with her hands and strokes his cheeks softly.   
  
"I love you."   
  
"Love you too." He blinks, "Do you wanna' tell me about your day? I pretty much just did a workout and then stayed in bed, so, I'm sure you had a lot more fun."   
  
She tells him with a bright smile across her face and when he wakes up in the morning he feels all sorts of invigorated.    
  
"Are you still a little horny?"   
  
"Why?"   
  
"I think you owe me something after last night."   
  
"Oh really?"   
  
She yawns but it morphs into a devious grin.   
  
"Lay back."   
  
"Yes, ma'am."   



	4. The one where Annie walks in on Jeff.

Jeff gave her a key a couple of weeks ago, so, letting herself in and popping over to his hasn't felt like such a big deal lately. It's exciting too, having a second place to call home and it's always a welcome escape when she steps through the door and knows she can just relax without worrying about what Britta is about to unload on her about this, that or the other.

Plus, there's not the cats to worry about or the dishes or the laundry or even dinner to cook because Jeff always likes to take control when it's his own kitchen.

Today, she welcomes herself in and slips her shoes off before hanging her coat up on the wall hook. She's smiling to herself and is  _ this  _ close to breaking into a humming tune due to sheer happiness and peace. It's been a good day she thinks, and she knows it will only get better when she sees Jeff, too.

She's not sure if he's in because she hadn't bothered to check on his car in the garage and the only shoes by the door are his running sneakers. It's also awfully quiet but she didn't think to ask because he assured her that's the point in the key; mi casa, es su casa, and all.

She pads into the kitchen and fills up a glass of water before wandering through the living room. She realises she could call out for him but she kinda’ likes the idea of surprising him, even if she knows to still be cautious due to the fact that last time, she almost made him jump out of his skin.

She can't hear any water running, so, when she cautiously approaches the closed bedroom door, she half expects to find him asleep. That's one thing she's learned about dating Jeff -  _ dating,  _ she smiles wider to herself - he  _ loves  _ a good cat nap. He says it's got nothing to do with age and everything to do with how expensive his mattress was and ensuring he gets his money's worth.

She presses down the door handle with her spare hand, taking a sip of water as she opens it before calling out his name in a sing-song voice.

“Jeff…”

“Huh! Uh! Annie! What?!” He yells when he sees her, his eyebrows shooting upwards.

It takes her all of two seconds to see what he's doing, blink hard, shake her head and gape before stepping away and shutting the door, pressing her back to it. The water in her glass sloshes around as she bites her lip and takes a moment to realise what just happened.

It ends up making her laugh and put her hand to her face. She doesn’t want to embarrass him further so she takes a steadying breath and finds her way back to the living room, turning the TV on reasonably loud, pursing her lips together in an attempt to act as if nothing happened. The TV is barely a distraction though because her mind keeps wandering back to the image that is now burned inside her eyelids; Jeff, sat up against his pillows, his hand on his co-

“I’m sorry…” He interrupts her train of thought, padding in the room without her noticing, breaking the heat burning through her cheeks, “I didn't realise you were coming over. I wouldn't have…”

She chokes and haphazardly reaches for the remote to turn the TV back off again before facing him. He’s wearing sweatpants and has thrown his bathrobe over the top.

“K-key. Key. I have my key now.” Is all she can think to say.

“Yeah...” He grits his teeth and scratches the back of his head before leaning forward and sitting himself down on the opposite end of the couch to her, “I mean, you could have knocked?”

She looks his way sheepishly and they both laugh. Jeff brushes a hand down his face and sighs.

“Oh well, welcome to being in a relationship, I guess. You realise how gross you both are.”

“ _ Both  _ are? What have I done that’s gross? Did you walk in on  _ me  _ masturbating?”

“No… and if I did, I definitely wouldn’t think it’s gross. In fact, I’d welcome it. That could totally be a thing.”

She groans and throws a hand out at his chest, rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, you’re definitely the only gross one between us.”

An awkward silence falls between them for a moment with Jeff scratching a hand down the back of the couch and Annie picking at her nails.

“Was it really that bad? I mean… like I said if it was the other way around?  _ Super  _ hot.”

Annie blushes again and pulls some hair down around her face to shield herself from view.

“No… it was just,” She sits up, sighing out, “alarming, that’s all.”

“Alarming?”

“I just wasn’t expecting it! It’s fine… it’s not like we’re not there yet. I have been all up in  _ all  _ of that.”

Jeff chuckles and grins at her.

“You have.”

She rolls her eyes again when she sees the look on his face but instead of shying away from it, she just lets it go and falls to one side so that she’s leaning into the crook of his arm. She feels him press a kiss to her hair and the image of him still fighting to push to the forefront of her mind, fades away a little bit - emphasis on  _ little _ . She’s not completely stupid; there’s a time and a place for a memory like that.

“Where do you stand on porn?”

“What?!” She recoils and leans back to look up at him, puzzled. “What kind of question is that?”

“I don’t know! I don’t want you to be mad if you walk in on that next!”

“God…” Annie puts a hand to her face and pinches the bridge of her nose. She’s still cuddled into his side, despite it.

“Well…?”

“Are you serious?”

“I’m just avoiding an issue arising in the future.”

“What issue would there be?”

“Okay, so, you don't mind me watching porn?”

“I…” She looks up at him again incredulously, “...no. I… you can do what you want. So, long as it's not like, really weird… dark stuff or… you know, you're not using it to avoid being with me… then, no, I trust you.”

He kisses her head again before moving his right hand to stroke down her upper arm.

“Do you mind if  _ I  _ watch porn?”

“Uh… do you… watch it?”

“I… don't but I have out of curiosity. I just felt like it should be a two-way question.”

“Right. Sure. I mean, again…  _ so  _ hot.”

She lightly slaps his chest again before sitting up, her hand resting over his ribcage. She looks directly in his eyes for the first time all evening.

“I'm sorry for walking in on you. I have nothing wrong with you taking care of yourself and I'll make sure to knock next time. Okay?”

He nods and puffs out his cheeks in a smile. Her expression shifts then, with one of her eyebrows rising.

“Did you… finish?”

“No… I felt weird to.”

“Do you… want to…”

“To…?” He tilts his chin down at her, wanting her to continue.

“Just because it was awkward, it doesn't mean I didn't enjoy seeing it.”

“Oh. Oh really, now?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe, huh?”

He grins before lunging forward to kiss her and tackle her into the couch cushions with a growl.

“Use your key every day. Totally worth it.”

“Hmm, our clear communication  _ is  _ pretty sexy.”

“This is gonna’ beat my fantasy,  _ by far.” _


	5. The one where they try something new.

"I feel like we're not very vocal during sex." Annie pipes up, unprompted, as she sits up against their headboard, her legs parted for Jeff to sit between. She has nothing but underwear and one of his sweaters on, loosely draping over and slipping off her shoulders.

"Um, speak for yourself, Miss Edison." Jeff responds, his voice deep and his eyes drooping. They woke up early and one thing led to another because it's Sunday morning and Jeff knows he can get away with making a move, which is why they're both still lazily lolling about in bed at almost 11 o'clock.

"No, I just mean... it's obviously not our thing, you know? We talk and that's nice and I do like hearing you make those... noises..." She trails off getting distracted by Jeff smirking against the inside of her thigh, "...but it's not like we call each other names or like, talk really dirty."

"Do you wanna' talk really dirty?" He mumbles, his mouth moving like a kiss against her skin.

"I'm not saying we should, it's just like I said, we work well without it."

"Well, you know I'm never against going off book."

Annie rolls her eyes and reaches out to run her hands through his hair and down his neck. He has sweatpants on from when he went to brew coffee a while ago but his shoulders are still bare and open to wandering hands.

"What's prompted this train of thought?"

"Nothing..." Annie smiles shyly, dropping her hands from him so she can reach over to the nightstand for her coffee and grin over the rim of it.

"Doesn't sound like nothing." He raises his eyebrows, the lines around his eyes relaxing. She likes him like this, even though she knows it's when he's at his most self-conscious; all tired and worn out with his age showing.

She pouts deviously after taking a sip of the going-cold drink she picked up as a distraction.

"Just... something I saw on Twitter."

"Oh jeez, what did you see?" He strains his neck up then, intrigued.

"Nothing..." She giggles, biting her lip. He takes the mug from her then, moving to put it down before settling back down and shaking his head at her, questioningly.

"I can just go on your phone and try and work it out."

"Oh please, you still try and retweet things I post even though my account is on private, you wouldn't be able to work it out."

He rolls his eyes and rests his chin on her stomach, his hands hooked around her legs.

"Please tell me."

She giggles then, her cheeks blushing.

"Has anyone ever called you Daddy?"

"Oh sweet, Jesus." He rolls off of her on to her back then, staring up at the ceiling, his eyes wide. Annie laughs fully then, her knees falling to one side, resting on his arm.

"Well...?"

"You're not seriously asking that or even, implicating that as a suggestion, right?"

Annie folds in her lips, glancing to the other side of the room. He turns his head up at her silence.

"Riiiight?"

"Hmm? What? I never said anything."

His eyes bulge fully this time, all tiredness draining from his face in surprise.

"Annie!"

She pulls his sweater up to her face then, stretching it up and over her nose. He can still see her grinning though, the tops of her cheeks beaming. He sits up then, placing himself back in his home between her thighs.

"I am... I don't even know what to say right now. There's a pretty obvious reason as to why I would be uncomfortable with that."

"I know... I just..."

"You just what?!"

"I..." She breaks out into laughter again, hiding her face even more.

"Oh my god. Who... are you?"

She slowly pulls her sweater-mask down, revealing the fact she's back to chewing on her lip.

"I am... are you serious? Is that something you're into that you've kept quiet? You're curious?"

"I... I don't know. I just... I see why... I mean, loads of people do it. And it's not just an older guy thing!"

He pulls away to sit on the edge of the bed, shaking his head in disbelief.

"You called someone Mommy, once!"

He turns his head sharply, his face screwed up in confusion.

"First of all, how the hell do you know that? Second of all, that's entirely different!"

"How is it?!"

"Because! We weren't in a committed relationship! And! She was like three years older than me not... seventeen. Jesus..." He blows out sharply, a shocked grin still spread across his face.

Annie starts laughing then, her eyes closed tightly and her whole body shaking. He watches her for a moment, his tongue in his cheek.

"Are you fucking with me?"

She carries on laughing, folding over and onto her side.

"You're fucking with me, aren't you?"

"Your face..." She chuckles, struggling to breathe.

Jeff stares up at the ceiling and sighs, shaking his head all over again. As he lies back as Annie continues to roll around in hysterics.

"Yeah, yeah, very funny."

Once she seems to have gotten the majority of her amusement out of her system, she ends up colliding with him, their faces level. She pouts, reaching out to brush her palm across his cheek.

"Aw, you were so worried."

"Ha ha. Very funny."

"Aw, I'm sorry, Daddy."

"Don't you fucking dare."

She smirks and moves, crawling over so she's straddling him, her knees on either side of his ribcage.

"Can I make it up to you, Daddy?"

He goes down the ignoring route, fixing his focus on a hairline crack in the ceiling.

"Are you mad at me, Daddy?"

He sighs, looking back at her.

"Do you want a punishment?" He tilts his head, grinning sarcastically.

"What are you gonna' do to me?"

She loses her balance momentarily, incidentally grinding down on him.

Her eyes widen and she can't help the uncomfortable laugh that escapes her.

"Oh... my... go-" He presses a finger to her lips, shushing her.

"No... no. No! That is not because of that. That is because we had sex earlier and you are currently sat right on top of me which makes it very easy for things to happen."

"Oh, okay."

She laughs again which makes him blow out his cheeks before grasping at her waist and flipping her over. He holds her down, tugging her hands up and behind her head so she can't move.

"Ooh, Daddy's angry."

She knows he's - Jeff's - not really because he has a spark in his eye like really he's enjoying seeing her tease him and make fun.

"Shut up." He grunts, his nose brushing over her own.

She kisses him then, biting down on his bottom lip. He pulls away sharply though, breathing in her face.

"It's kind of hard to take you seriously when you have an erection pressing into my thigh."

His nose nudges against her jawline into her hair as she raises her leg up to draw him closer, her hands still being held back. She's got him then, his mouth sliding over hers; she doesn't know what this is - she really was just pulling his leg - but she knows he's not about to stop that easily.

* * *

 

They're breathing hard, laying on their backs in the same position this started - the three items of clothing they had on between them, fallen to the floor.

"Hol...y... shit."

"Yeah..." Annie replies, tilting her head, trying to work out what just happened, "...we're never doing that again, right?"

She watches Jeff's chest rise and fall deeply from the corner of her eye.

"Right."

"Yeah."

"Uhuh."

"I'm sorry." She turns her head and grimaces.

"I'm not even sure if I want you to say sorry."

"Yeah..."

"Just you know, never again."

"Yeah, you're right."

"Never. Again."

"Mhm."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I'm SO. SORRY.)


	6. The one where someone walks in on them.

The music is loud and Jeff’s had his hands all over her ever since the party kicked in, presumably because of the beers he’s had or because there are so many people in their house - their new, _very_ new, _please-don’t-put-your-glass-of-red-wine-so-close-to-the-edge-of-the-coffee-table_ new house - that he’s feeling a little overprotective. Either way, whenever they get a moment entirely alone in a dark secluded corner, their hands go to each other's waists or their lips find their ways to each other’s like they’re two kids at their first high school dance.

There’s a point where one of their friends requests a tour of the upstairs which is surprisingly just as busy with guests as down below, so, they get lost somewhere between the guest room and Jeff’s study, falling back into the spare bathroom, Jeff’s foot finding its way to shut the door closed behind them.

“Hi.” He breathes out, lowering his neck so that he can nudge his nose against hers before kissing her jawline.

“Hi.” She smiles against him, her hands scooping up and over his shoulders.

It’s barely a second until they’re kissing again, sloppy and fast and the opposite of how they should be acting with a house full of guests - but heck, this is Annie’s 30th and their first _proper_ adult housewarming all rolled into one and Jeff’s pretty sure his mom declared herself as co-host _as_ well as the caterer, so, if anything happens while they’re not looking, that’s all on her.

“Mmm… Jeff.” Annie moans into his ear as he presses a kiss to her collarbone. He pulls back momentarily.

“We’ve probably got like… eight to ten minutes before anybody starts wondering where we are. That’s enough time, right?”

Annie looks utterly dazed as she shakes her head up and down and all over.

“Yeah, yeah, that could work.”

“Okay, yeah, uhuh.”

Jeff dives back in then, kissing her hard and fast as his hands work their way towards the hem of her skirt. Annie’s doing her bit too, unbuckling his belt which would probably be making an audible metallic sound if it wasn’t for the loud bass vibrating through the house.

They still have to be careful though, so, when Jeff finds himself inside her once he’s lifted her up onto the sink, they have to silence their groans by gritting their teeth and kissing each other all over again.

“Fuck,” Jeff growls into her shoulder as he moves in time with her. She throws her head back when he starts using his hand to help her along, and eight minutes suddenly feels like it would last an hour.

“Oh, okay, oh fuck.”

Annie cries out into her shoulder and they both launch at each other’s mouths to stifle what noise they make as they finish at the same time. If he could actually move or speak proper English, Jeff would probably high-five her and congratulate them on their speed and determination.

Then again, not being able to move or not speak might play to his advantage when the door opens and Shirley looks him dead in the eye.

The expression on her face changes about five times in the space of three-seconds, switching from horrified and confused to a tight smile which looks like a combination of the two.

Annie’s legs are still wrapped around Jeff’s waist until the door closes again and they both have time to process what just happened. Jeff reaches for a tissue so he can clean himself up before zipping his pants back up and sitting on the edge of the windowsill.

“I just looked Shirley in the eye and I was still inside of you.”

“I didn’t look at her but I can just _sense_ that she wanted to murder me.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t put it past Shirley to kill someone during their birthday party.”

“Oh god, she’s totally gonna’ kill me.”

Jeff sighs heavily before tilting his head.

“Worth it though, right? That was hot? That was hot. I won’t ever get Shirley’s face out of my head but that was hot.”

Annie rolls her eyes, staring at him blankly.

“This is all your fault.”

“ _My_ fault?”

“Yes, your fault. You were being handsy and wouldn’t stop looking at me with your _eyes._ ”

“With my eyes? What else am I supposed to use?”

“Nothing! You’re not supposed to look at me!”

“So, what, you’re mad at me? For giving you an orgasm mid-way through a party?”

“GO talk to Shirley.”

“ _I_ have to go and talk to her?”

Annie stares again before switching on her eyelash fluttering charm when she realises being stern won’t work.

“It’s my party… and I need to pee. I’m gonna’ shut the door and _lock_ it, unlike some people.”

Jeff pushes off the windowsill, heading for the door before poking his head around it from the other side.

“Somebody had their tongue down my throat so it was pretty hard to concentrate on locking a door.”

“GO!”

She pushes a hand to his chest but he resists, leaning forward to steal one last kiss before dashing down the stairs through seemingly oblivious guests.

When he rounds the corner towards the kitchen, he stops short, facing (a rather traumatised looking) Shirley who’s stood between his mom and Britta. They’re all looking at him with varying degrees of judgement. He scratches the back of his neck.

“Ah, shit.”

"Jeffrey." Shirley calls out, making him grin widely in preparation for what (he's not entirely sure) is about to happen.

"Real nice, Shirley, telling on me to my mom like him a five-year-old kid."

"It's only fair when you act like one." She sings out, tilting her head arrogantly as he draws closer.

"Look, okay, none of this would be happening if I'd locked the door; you would be none the wiser, so, please can we just move on like grown adults?" He argues over the opposing side of the kitchen island.

"None of what would be happening?" Jeff stands up straighter as Annie interrupts at his side, appearing out of nowhere.

"Yeah, Annie, that's not gonna' work, we all know. And Jeff? Even if you had locked the door, I would have known." Britta jumps in, leaning into his mom who he notices is staying very quiet.

"How could you have possibly known anything?" He smirks, rolling his eyes. 

"Because _I_ would know." Britta glares at him pointedly and his eyes widen because that piece of information is something he's made very clear not to reveal to his mom. Annie must catch on because she stands a little closer to him. 

"Okay, let's just move on. It's their own house and their own party, so... Jeff, just don't do it again, okay? Annie, too." 

Jeff's about to thank his mom when she speaks up again.

"And that's coming from me. This isn't the first time."

"Um.. ha... what, Mom?" Jeff shakes his head as Annie turns her face into the side of his arm, cringing. "That was a totally different circumstance... we were house sitting for you and you came back early and technically, that is still my bedroom."

"Mhm, exactly, different circumstances." Shirley raises an eyebrow at him.

"Oh well, I lived with Annie when they first started dating. I've seen and heard it all. Happy Birthday, Annie!" Britta smiles condescendingly as she rounds the island to pat Annie on the shoulder.

Jeff's mom follows her soon after, nearing Jeff so she can smooth a hand over his shoulder.

"You should know better. Now, go and entertain your guests."

He blows out his cheeks before looking down at Annie who has somehow, avoided any kind of torment. 

"Happy Birthday?" He shrugs before she dips her chin and takes his hand so they can obey his mom's orders. 

One of her friends from work walks over to them then, a glass of wine in hand.

"Oh hi, Annie! We just went upstairs... _beautiful_ bathroom. So so beautiful! Congratulations."


End file.
